Why saying NO can be more attractive than saying yes
How many times a week do you say yes to something, even though your insides are screaming No!?
How many volunteer days have you attended, or committees have you sat on, it bake sale cookies have you baked, all with a false smile painted on while you fumed inside?
Probably way too many. As women, we are taught from an early age to be helpful and dependable and to forgo our own comfort for the sake of not "upsetting the apple cart." And, that upbringing can lead us to some pretty crummy places, especially with the men in our lives.
I remember when I was dating this guy who had kids and it was his weekend with them, but he had to work. He just assumed that I would watch them while he was gone. He didn't ask, he just started getting ready to leave. When I realized he had not figured out a sitter I was furious! And, I didn't say anything. I felt so resentful, and yet I didn't know how to say No. I felt like I was being a complete bitch if I said I don't want to watch the kids. So, instead I spent the whole afternoon. Feeling annoyed with him and with myself for not speaking up. When he got home, I was obviously irritated with him and an argument ensued. When I finally said I was upset because he left me with the kids he just said "Why didn't you say something before I left?" I had no good answer. I didn't say something because I didn't know how to just say no.
Saying no to something that doesn't feel good to you is not selfish. It's taking care of yourself, which is so attractive to men. When you say yes to things that feel irritating or taxing, your vibe shifts to a lower frequency, and you become less open. You start projecting those icky feelings outward through your energy. So, while you may think a man will be more attracted to you because of your sacrifice, the exact opposite is happening. He is being turned off by your resentment.
So, how do you say no? Like all things, with a feeling message. What I should have said all those years ago was "I'm feeling so peaceful imagining having the house to myself this afternoon, and I don't feel ready to be left in charge of your kids. What can we do?"
I know it can feel scary, and saying no goes against everything you have believed, but try it!
Let me know how it feels to start saying no more often.